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            Thursday, July 31, 2008

            Marry Your Baby Daddy Day: Racist Or Laudable?!?



            Wednesday, July 30, 2008

            Now They're Blaming The Beige Negro For The War, Britney's Kids, and Rap Music Too!?!





            A Jim Crow Apology? Could Reparations Be Next!?!



            [1] And yes, I know, DC has the highest per-pupil funding rate in the country北京体彩网官方网站. But you and I both know that money never makes it to the schools themselves.

            People I Strongly Dislike: Bluetooth Earpiece D-Bags


            I travel a lot with my job, which means I often find myself in the proximity of lots of other "businesspeople". Whether in the airport, a hotel lobby, or restaurant, there's always that one dude who just talks too darned loud on the cell phone.

            Sometimes, I wonder if these people talk loud intentionally just to let you know that they've got a really important job and need you to know that by proxy they're important.

            I guess these folks never got the memo that talking loud and sharing the intimate details of your business deal with 40 of your closest friends doesn't make you important. Nope, it makes you a total and complete Douchebag.

            Even worse is the guy who puts his cellphone on speaker (presumably to free his hands so he can write, tie his Kenneth Coles, or play with himself) while conducting his important, but not really important call. Many an airport catnap has been interrupted by this species of Travelling D-Bag, as he berates his Administrative Assistant for not correctly filing his expense report. The nerve of those minions.

            However, as technology has improved, so has the cellphone itself, culminating in the ultimate killer-app for travelling d-bags worldwide. That's right, the Bluetooth Earpiece.


            Now, the Travelling D-Bag doesn't even have to hold a phone to his ear and talk loudly to let you know he's more important and more better than you. He can just clip this baby on his ear and floss hands-free.

            I won't even fake, I have a Bluetooth earpiece that I sometimes use with my BlackBerry. It does come in handy when you're in the comfort of your own car, but otherwise it's pretty silly. It looks dumb and sounds dumberer to see a grown man channeling some random Star Trek character. Just hold the friggin' phone already.

            Of course, this hands-free phenomenon results in some very odd social interactions. Travelling D-Bag will appear to be talking to himself (about expense reports) as if he's some 北京体彩网官方网站less dude until you get up close to him or peep the earpiece in his other ear. And now T D-B thinks it's acceptable to conduct a staff meeting while au toilet, which is just nasty on so many levels. No conversation can be that important. Droppin' a deuce is important. Expense reports are not.

            Maybe the fine folks at Bose can come up with D-Bag cancelling headphones.



            Question: Do you dislike these BlueTooth Earpiece D-Bags as much as I do? How abou the garden variety Travelling D-Bag?

            Tuesday, July 29, 2008

            What Will They Blame The Beige Negro For Next?!?

            . No, seriously.

            Note to McCain: You might wanna update your insults. Doctor No is verrrrrryyyy 20th century. What are you gonna call him next? A nincompoop? A willy nilly? A rapscallion? Please, mix in some MTV with your Matlock and Golden Girls reruns.

            But here's the really messed up thing: I actually agree with the GOP on this issue. I see no reason whatsoever why we shouldn't drill offshore to increase the capacity of American oil. Screw a whale, save my light bill instead. Of course this is a more longterm solution, but it's a solution nonetheless.

            And for the record, while Obama is against offshore drilling, he's not against drilling entirely. Not that this ad bothered to explain that nuance.

            But in classic GOP fashion, they use a 9 inch nail where a pushpin would have done just fine. How freakin' insane is it to blame Obama for our current gas prices? What massive screwup are you gonna blame him for next? The Hindenburg? New Coke? Meet Dave? The drafting of Kwame Brown?

            Hmmmm, I wonder who the GOP will blame when they lose in November.

            Question: Do you agree with offshore drilling? Do you think Obama is to blame for oil prices? Can I also blame him for the drafting of Kwame Brown?



            Barack Hussein Obama II vs The United States Of America.







            [1] Could someone please explain to White America the difference between arrogance and swagger?!? Arrogance in smug condescension that screams "I'm better than you!". Swagger is simply the quiet inner belief that you're the sh*t, despite what dem' haters might say. A Black man in America can't survive without some healthy level of swag, and I don't mean the kind that comes wrapped in pink furs and crispy Air Force Ones. Obama isn't arrogant. Obama drips swagger. Arrogance = Bad. Swag = Good. Nuff' said.

            [2] I thought the general rules of naming ettiquette said you could only become a II once you had a boy child who was a III. Otherwise, you're just a Jr. for life. At least that's what I was told/read. I didn't formally become a II until AverageToddler (a III) was born. I was a Jr. till that point. What's with Obama just discarding decorum like that? Is this a Kenyan thing? Anyone care to explain?

            [3] Did I forget anyone? You tell me and I'll add em'. AverageSis gets props for half of that list.

            Monday, July 28, 2008

            Affirmative Inaction.

            Caption This Photo.


            Best caption wins something or other. Okay, who am I kidding, my kid is starting daycare next week, so I'm broke. Best caption isn't winning jack but bragging rights.

            Anyways, gimme your best captions. We'll see who wins.

            Hotel Liberia?!? Does AB Owe Bob Johnson An Apology?



            [1] Please tell me I'm not the only one that saw this.

            Poll Position: Cornell West Is The New King Of All Blacks.


            Last week here at AB.com, we talked about the need for the media to find a new mouthpiece for Black America, in light of Jesse Jackson's final, permanent fall from grace. Rather than allowing the MSM to choose this person for us, I suggested that we nominate a new King Of All Blacks here at AB.com, with hopes that some clueless newbie at the New York Times might pick up on our choice instead.

            The people of AverageNation™ have spoken. The results are as follows.


            What can I say, this poll was fatally flawed from the start. I didn't seriously mean to put my name in there, it was really just a joke. But some of ya'll actually pulled the lever for AB.com and as a result, the final numbers were skewed. So in the interest of serious discourse, I'm effectively tossing any vote tallied for me out. Sorry for the Systematic Disenfranchisement.

            That leaves a very perplexing winner, Dr. Cornell West. I'll admit, while West's shtick used to be a pretty cool novelty, somewhere after that Matrix cameo, I started to sour on him. The man sometimes (like many other KOAB nominees) seems to be talking just to hear himself speak. He has a lust for polysyllabic words, which I like when we're talking about rappers, but for the KOAB, this just won't cut it. You need to get what you're saying out succinctly and to the point. This is something Dr. West has seemingly yet to figure out.



            Sooooo, town hall talking head? Sure. Author of thought provoking intellectual tomes. You betcha. But KOAB? I'm sorry ya'll, I just don't see it.

            But then again, I only had one vote.

            Actor Hill Harper and chronic Intellectual Masturbator™ Michael Eric Dyson tied for a distant second. I like Harper a lot, but dude is an actor, so technically, since I wasn't putting any entertainers on the list (you'll notice no Tom Joyner or Michael Baisden either) he shouldn't have been included. Still, he's got some ideas worth hearing. Dyson on the other hand, suffers from a lust of $5 words that often amount to little other than applause.



            My personal choice (Roland Martin) didn't show very well, which is a bit surprising considering the fact that dude has really held it down this year on CNN. Others who did well, but not well enough include the always interesting Melissa Harris-Lacewell, rapper Nas, Congressional candidate and reality show alumnus Kevin Powell, and (shocker) rapper David Banner, who proves that some of my readers do indeed have a sense of humor.

            So, congrats to Dr. West, I suppose.

            This Week's Poll is a lot less weighty, but serious bidness nonetheless. In the pantheon of all time great hood' snacks, there must be one that stands above all others. Vote early and often you-know-where.

            Question: Do you agree that Cornell West should be the new KOAB? Are you surprised that Roland Martin didn't do better? Who the heck actually voted for David Banner?

            Sunday, July 27, 2008

            Is The MSM In The Tank For Obama?!?

            Cotton Hill McCain and Co. seem to think so...



            [Editor's Note: Apparently the McCain Campaign pulled the very ad they put up themselves when there was a backlash. Thanks to the magic of YouTube, it's still out there. For now. Watch this astounding example of whining hateration before it gets completely pulled from the internet.]

            John McCain's 'Obama Love' fund-raising video was a hit on the web this week, so it's a surprise to find that it's been zapped from the campaign's YouTube channel.

            According to Unruly Media's viral video tracking service, the McCain campaign's 'Obama Love' video was the hottest presidential candidate viral video on the web this week.

            Nevertheless, the video has been removed from YouTube. The fund-raising videos also appear to have also been removed from the campaign's web site.

            Unruly Media reports that the video has been viewed almost 260,000 times since its release Tuesday.

            That makes it one of the McCain campaign's most successful viral videos to date.
            The official campaign spin is that this was a copyright issue with the song featured in this video. You and I know better.

            Question: We'll discuss this in depth later in the week, but do you think the media is in love with Obama? If so, why?]

            My New Favorite Commercial Evar...

            My New Second Favorite Commerical Evar!

            Saturday, July 26, 2008

            Nasir Jones For VPOTUS!!!

            When ChickenHeads Attack!!!

            I don't know who's the less annoying of the two, but I'd say Omarosa wins this cockfight by a feather. The scratching and clawing begins around the 4 minute mark.



            Question: Who won this obviously orchestrated for ratings catfight?

            Friday, July 25, 2008

            , given the fact that I

            [1] I hate using that word, but sometimes it's the only one that's appropriate. Forgive me if you're as squeamish about this sorta thing as I am.

            [2] BTW, I didn't even watch this crap, but I told ya'll about Soledad "color-me-mine" O'Brien months ago. But you ain't wanna hear me though. Now ya'll mad. Hmmmm.

            Thursday, July 24, 2008

            Can We Just Agree That Both Of These Covers Suck?

            So Much For Obama's Hispanic Problem

            Ask An AverageBro: The Mailbag

            as...

            To speak disparagingly about another person. To say ill words behind someones back.

            There's a photo of Jesse Jackson right beside the definition, oddly enough. No, really.

            There's a million examples of that here on this site as well. Just peep the tag Negro Please for plenty of real life depictions.


            ---
            Can you do a review for Gs to Gents on MTV (if you find the time to watch with AverageToddler and all-I know the feeling too)?

            MissJay


            Although I don't watch MTV or BET, but I'm quite aware of the sorta stuff that goes on over there. MTV lost me after Making The Band, during whatever season that was with Babs and Chopper n'em. That show was so niggerishly over-the-top, I couldn't stop watching it. The only bad part about the show was Mr. Bentley himself.


            Seriously, what self-respecting black man carries umbrellas for another grown man? Weedcarrying? Fine in my book. Umbrellacarrying? Not so much. So sorry, but Derek Watkins Turns Fake-G's To Fake Gents is just not must-see TV in my book. I hope you'll forgive me.


            On a somewhat related note: Is it just me or does anyone else see an odd resemblance between Mr. Bentley and Washington Wizards star Gilbert Arenas?



            Ok, so maybe it's just me.

            ---
            I heard somewhere that you're actually white. Is this correct?

            JohnJay

            Yes.

            ---

            Got a question for AB? Wanna know what it's like being a white guy named AverageBro? Drop me a line for the next edition of Ask An AverageBro.

            Wednesday, July 23, 2008

            AB Bombs On NPR.

            , and Aimee Laramore of and , both great bloggers with sites you should peep.

            Our topics today were good, but didn't really lend themselves to my "shtick". We talked about racial codewords in Corporate America, the kerfuffle over Disney's The Frog Princess, and Ebony magazine's series of "Cool" covers. So as a result, I kinda came off as the goofy guy with poor punchlines surrounded by two very serious bloggers who were far more polished. It was not my finest hour.

            So much for my nomination as the new

            Why The WNBA Stays Losing: Exhibits A & B

            AverageBro Goes To The Movies: Triple Matinee





            Tuesday, July 22, 2008

            NOBITCHASSNESS?!? Anyone Care To Explain?


            I don't get out much, so I prolly missed the memo on these NOBITCHASSNESS shirts. But in the past week alone I have seen these shirts worn by:

          1. A preteen standing at the bus stop.

          2. A mother walking her three kids in the park.

          3. A dude congregating in the parking lot of my church. I'm not sure whether he went in or not. I'm kinda hoping he did.


          4. I'm assuming this is Diddy's new line of shirts, right? Seriously, are you telling me dude has gone from those silly, but sorta substantive VOTE OR DIE! shirts to this kinda drivel in just four years?

            Seriously, is this what's hot on the streets right now? Where's the sense of common decency? I'm assuming this shirt doesn't proclaim your inner BITCHASSNESS, but rather your lack thereof. Still, what's the sense in making a public announcement of such a gesture? Aren't there more worthy topics to trumpet to the world? If you're proud enough about something to wear it on a t-shirt, shouldn't it actually be something worth being proud of?

            I've got some ideas of my own. Peep these designs!






            Do better, Diddy. Or whatever you're calling yourself this month. MLK is cryin' inside.

            Question: You care to explain this whole NOBITCHASSNESS nonsense to me? I Googled the image itself, but I'll be darned if I'm chasing some explanation of this. Would you wear one of my shirts or Diddy's?