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            Saturday, February 28, 2009

            D.T. The Great: Hero Or A-Hole?!?



            Question: Is it fair for the school system to ask Mr. Taub to take down the videos, or does this violate his freedom of speech?

            Joe The Author?!?



            [1] Although it should be noted, his booksigning during CPAC was nearly as empty. Chew on that.

            Ouch!!! - NBA Style.



            Friday, February 27, 2009

            AB.com Guest Post: Black History Month Tragedies.

            .]

            Black History Month falls into that category of “things I’d like to re-purpose to fit my selfish needs.” The concept of having a month dedicated to any history at all follows the delusional thinking that the rest of the year is spent celebrating knowledge, something that America rarely does in bulk. Breast Cancer Month is a slightly different type of observance that is more along the lines of what February should be for the black cause - more “doing stuff” and less “thinking about stuff.” Even when you break down the phrase “Black History Month,” you get a bunch of ambiguous terms - “black” has been a troubling definition for the past hundred years or so, as my pop culture quiz demonstrates “history” has no easy start and end point, and the “month” means little more than when the rent is due again.

            As sick as it makes me when the racists disguised as “we’re all equal,” freedom-fighters speak out against the notion of a month dedicated to black history while ignoring Women’s History, Hispanic Heritage, or Native American Heritage Months, there is plenty of ridiculousness to be found in Black History Month. Conventional wisdom says that schools and cultural organizations should at least give a nod to the contributions that black people have made to this great country北京体彩网官方网站 during February (you know I love a good high school assembly), but how do we know when things have gone too far?

            What’s the difference between praise and pandering? Thembi is on the case.

            The Displays

            There is nothing that makes my eyes roll harder than a Black History Month-themed display in a store or even worse, a Black History Month promotion. There is something so grossly opportunistic about having teenage stock-boys across the country北京体彩网官方网站 simultaneously create displays dedicated to rubbing my slave descendant spending g-spot into buying stuff that “black people like.” Case in point:

            Black, White, Or Other? : Whoop Dat' Trick!

            Stereotypes are a way of life in America. We feed into them so readily that they take on a life of their own. But just how well do you really know your racial stereotypes?



            Black, White, Or Other? lists a particularly heinous crime/news story, with incriminating bits of info omitted for the sake of confidentiality. Your job is to guess whether the protagonist is black, white, or the omnipresent "other", and to tell why you guessed how you did. The best guessplanation wins a week's supply of Cyber CapriSuns. And yeah, you could prolly Google the news story to find out the race of the person, but what sorta loser does that? Seriously. And if you already know about the story, and thus the answer, sit this one out. Be a good sport. Don't cheat.

            Anyways, here's today's entry.
            A man and woman arranged through a prominent Internet site to meet Sunday in {redacted} County, but it apparently did not go well, and the man was allegedly attacked with a high-heeled shoe, county police said. They said a 21-year-old man and a 24-year-old woman were arrested on prostitution-related charges.

            Police said they went to a hotel in the 3100 block of {redacted} in the {redacted}area of the county about 6:30 p.m. Sunday after a fight was reported.

            They said they determined that a man had responded to an advertisement on Craigslist and arranged to meet a woman at the hotel. However, police said, an argument broke out in a room over what police described as "missing money."

            The dispute became physical, a police statement said, and the woman "allegedly assaulted the man with her high-heeled shoe."

            Police said {redacted}, 24, of {redacted}, was charged with prostitution and simple assault. They said {redacted}, 21, of {redacted} was charged with solicitation of prostitution.

            They said he was issued a summons, released and then taken to a hospital for treatment of injuries that were not life-threatening.

            Neither could be reached last night.

            On its Web site, Craigslist describes itself as "local classifieds and forums" in more than 500 cities, on which "just about anything" can be found. It says the overwhelming majority of users are trustworthy and well-intentioned.
            Question: Are the lady of the evening and the john in this story Black, White, or Other?

            Name That Sample - "Between The Sheets".

            Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.



            This Isley Brothers quiet storm classic has been sampled prolly more times than any song this side of "Funky Drummer". From gangsta rap to R&B, it's been used more than Paris Hilton's diaphragm. But who can name the most songs that have used these delightful bars?

            Question: How many songs can you name that used the "Between The Sheets" sample? Feel free to cheat and use other commenters' work, but do NOT Google! Google is for losers.

            Thursday, February 26, 2009

            Definitive Proof That The GOP Is Full Of Sh*t.



            [1] Do I sound a bit angry? Maybe cause I am.

            That's Just Gross.

            is such a site.



            I'm sure some of ya'll are still trying to knock off those extra holiday pounds. If you needed something to gross and incredibly nasty to serve as a visual aid for why you should hit the treadmill and pick up that arugula smoothie, here's some inspiration.

            Witness the massive 7 pound burrito.

            CNBC Presents NEWBOs.



            CNBC's oddly named NEWBOs is apparently some Black History Month examination of the "new generation of black millionaires". I'll admit, as intriguing as it looks, the fact that all the guys featured are in sports and entertainment makes me a little bit iffy.



            I hate sounding like a hater, but who doesn't already know about Lebron, T.O., Chris Lighty, Diddy, and Baby from Ca$h Money? What about the dozens of cats I see in Black Enterprise every month? And the whole "young guys/next gen" meme clearly isn't a theme here, hence a segment on Bob Johnson.



            And why no sistas? Isn't the whole "black men as overbosses" thing sorta played out anyway? I'm just sayin'.

            I suppose a documentary about the dozens of black folks I personally know who busted their butts getting degrees, worked their ways up the corporate ladder, networked, then took a major plunge to create a successful business would be boring to some. But what about guys like Aldwyn Lewis, Ronald Williams, Ken Chenault, and John W. Thompson, who are CEO's of Fortune 500 companies? And since you're talking sports, why not show Florida State defensive back Myron Rolle, who is about to skip the NFL to become a Rhodes Scholar? How about Brown University President Ruth Simmons, the first sista to lead an Ivy League school? There are super-achieving black women other than Oprah, ya' know!

            I guess I should watch the show, which airs tonight at 9pm, before I speak, but the hater in me expects the worst. What do ya'll think?

            [Editor's Update: I finally got around to watching this show, and lemme tell ya'. It was everything I feared and worse. One token woman was sorta featured, but otherwise it was a relentless cavalcade of excess (Ca$h Money), ignorance (T.O.), and superficiality (Bob Johnson). The part about Lebron James handing all his business dealings over to his 北京体彩网官方网站boys was interesting, but that was it. I fast fwd past more of this cause I just couldn't take it. The show does have an ulterior motive. This "NEWBOS" thing is a book that's coming out soon. So, as opposed to some Black History Month celebration, this appeared to be little more than a plug for a book that GE will inevitably make a buck off. I don't know if this makes it any better though.]

            Question: What do you think of the NEWBOs trailer? Do you think the Black community as a whole values achievement in sports and entertainment at the expense of other venues like corporate america or academia, or is this just Americas period?

            Name That Sample - "Hip Hugger".

            Okay, time to test out a new feature. Name That Sample is simple: I play the original song, you tell me who sampled it. Winner gets a day's supply of Cyber CapriSuns™. As always, no Googling! Google is for losers.



            This song was used in two early 90's B-side album cuts by two very popular, but very different rappers. One used it in an ultra-clean posse cut, the other went in solo, and delivered perhaps one of the nastiest rhymes ever recorded this side of Dade County.

            Question: Can you name the two songs in question?

            Separated At Birth? - Jindal And Parcell.

            Watching Bobby Jindal's coming out party the other night was as painful as a quintuple root canal. Dude was wooden, boring, and borderline creepy. The speech had all the charisma of a corporate HR instructional video. Hardly the breakout performance the GOP was hoping for. Get Palin on line one. She's needed again!

            I'd heard him speak several times before, but until he delivered the Republican Response, it didn't occur to me that he sounds and acts just like whimsical page, Kenneth Parcell from NBC's 30 Rock. Seriously, check this out.[1]

            Jindal.



            Kenneth.



            Seriously, play both videos at the same time, close your eyes, and tell me you can tell one from the other.

            [1] BTW, I know Gawker and Co. are all over this one, but AB doesn't swagger jack. In fact, it was AverageSis who pointed it out first.

            Wednesday, February 25, 2009

            BET's Harlem Heights. What Do Ya'll Think?!?



            Ya'll know I'm not too keen on reality shows, but I'll admit, this one doesn't look all that bad. I had the opportunity to preview a couple of episodes, and while it's obviously a bit uhmmm, scripted, it's nice to see a different side of young Black America on TeeVee. Finally, a reality show without some random washed-up rapper, few obvious stereotypes, and best of all, no NeNe.

            BET's Harlem Heights debuts Monday, March 2nd.

            Question: What do ya'll think of the Harlem Heights trailer?

            Proof That Americans Aren't That Dumb After All.

            Bobby Jindal won't accept Obama's handouts, but even if he doesn't, his state's legislature has the final say!!!

            [Editor's Note: Is it just me, or was Jindal's Republican response last night the most awkward 10 minutes of TV evar? Talk about stiff. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.... That guy makes Al Gore look like Lebron James. If this is the GOP's young, energetic, charismatic answer to Obama, then give me more Sarah Palin please.]

            Jindal can say he "stood up to Washington" when he's on the stump in 2012, but reality is his resistance is merely a pointless token gesture. If the stimulus fails to work (which I hope it doesn't), he looks like a hero with a one way ticket to 1600 Penn Ave. If it does work, it won't matter cause Obama will have the re-election sewn up anyway, and Jindal won't even bother running. Classic GOP Grand Hu$tle.

            [Another Editor's Note: SC Congressman that Governor Mark Sanford's opposition to stimulus money in a state with so many blacks is somehow racist. That's just not true. It's a selfish political maneuver of disgusting magnitude sure, but it ain't racist! Plenty of poor whites in SC would theoretically suffer too. Shame on you James! Shame!]

            I'll admit, despite my (continuing) .[1]

            Question: What do you think of Obama's first month in office? Do you think the GOP is putting up such opposition because they have legitimate concerns about the direction our country北京体彩网官方网站 is heading, because they want to win office in 2012, or just because they're some salty, hatin' assed bamas? Do you think Barry is getting extra hate because he's Black, or simply because he's a Democrat in power? Does Jindal remind you of Kenneth from 30 Rock or is it just me?



            [1] I'm by no means saying all his detractors are white. But dude didn't give me an all-inclusive soundbyte. Sorry.

            Ashy Or Classy? : American Classics by Russell Simmons.

            Tuesday, February 24, 2009

            The Obama Intangibles?!?

            As you guys know, I'm no pie-in-the-sky dreamer. I'm a realist, which is why it's always irked me it hear people talk about Obama's ascent to President as the cure to all that ails American Negroes.



            I've heard the phrase "there is no more room for excuses" a million times in the past 6 months, which is just ludicrous. There was never any excuse for Black Americans (wo)manning-up and doing what we are supposed to do in our families, our schools, and our lives in general. Anyone that thinks moving a Black family into 1600 Penn Ave. automatically gets all black boys out The Traaap, all black girls off The Pole, and makes us all Huxtables is delusional. What sorta bassackwards, low-expectations having Negro Logic is that? Real change (the kind Obama is advocating) requires work, selflessness, and dedication. Barry himself has repeatedly told folks to get offa that bullsh*t and Take The AverageBro Challenge™. Naturally, I agree.

            That said, there will certainly be a bevvy of intangible effects as a result of the Obama Presidency, whether intentional or not. Here's my best guesses, add you own you-know-where.
            DC Is Hip Again - When I moved to The Urreah a decade and change ago, DC was still considered The Mecca for upwardly mobile blacks. In the years since, Atlanta has further established itself as The Buppie Destination, with cheap 北京体彩网官方网站s, good jobs, and lots of scrip clubs The Black Hollywood reputation as a media and entertainment capitol. DC, thanks to it's already transitory nature, awful traffic, gentrification, and sky high 北京体彩网官方网站 prices has lost a little cache. More and more people seem to come here for their first gigs, then leave for less expensive pastures. Perhaps this changes that, now that DC is one of the few comparatively recession-proof areas in the nation. Cause the gubb'ment's always hiring and spending. That'll never change.

            Black Kids' Opinions Matter - One amazing development already seen is that since the Obamas have two young daughters, black children are suddenly a hot commodity. From the Ron Clark Kids, to Damon Weaver, and of course Sasha and Malia, Negro children nationwide are now looked at as more than just morbid future statistics. Chew on that one. As a parent who is sick and tired of watching Little Bill reruns, I hope this filters down to some new, hood-friendly children's entertainment, cause if I hear "Get better Mr. Bill, Bill, Billll" one more time... oh boy. And since I'm throwing it out there, how about Disney Pixar Cars II: McQueen Goes To Harlem, starring Chris Tucker as Hot Rod Hunter? I'm just sayin'.

            DC Finally Gets Voting Rights - In my travels around the US, it constantly amazes me how few people know about non-Federal DC. When I tell folks I'm from The Urreah, once we get beyond the basic political jibberjabber, one name inevitably comes up: Marion Barry. Some Americans don't even realize DC is a city of nearly 600,000 taxpayers with zero Congressional representation. Folks locally have already seen Mayor Adrian Fenty auditioning as Barack Obama's weedcarrier. Unlike prior Presidents who have seldom ventured outside cocktail-party DC, Obama will probably spend some time beyond Lafayette Square, and at some point in the next 4 years, DC will have its own Congresswoman. Hell, it might even happen this month.

            Some Venerable Black Institution Will Die - The downside of a perceived post-racial America is that many will assume venerable black institutions and programs like HBCUs, the UNCF, and various social organizations are no longer needed. Many of these entities are maintained by corporate tax writeoffs donations. In this recession, that money won't flow like it used to, and even if it did, some folks will be convinced that it's no longer needed since we just solved all out problems on January 20th.

            Lots Of Kids Named Barack - We've already seen this. Just flip to the birth announcements page in your local fishwrap and you'll see an explosion of kids named Barack, Obama, Michelle, Sasha, and Malia, some of whom (based on the parents' names) appear to be white. Much like the afrocentric name explosion (Jamal, Imani, Ebony) of the 70's, the ghettocentric explosion of the 80's (Quantrecia, Kahlanghee, De'Andre), and the materialist explosion (Alexus, Chanel, Armani, Camry) of the 90's, this represents a new era in Negro Nomenclature.

            Light Skindded Dudes Will Come Back In Style - I'm a brownskinned guy, not yellow, and hardly blue-black, so I can't say I really felt the effects of the El Debarge era of the 80's. Many say Michael Jordan, Wesley Snipes, Big Daddy Kane, and Co. made it fashionable to be a darkskinned brother in the 90's. I can't really co-sign on this one either since I'm not a woman. But if some lightskinned dudes said they were treated like Members Only jackets for years, I would only assume a light bright, damn-near half-white Prez can only help advance their cause.

            Brown Skindded Women Will Come Back In Style - Awww, who are we kidding? Brown Skindded Women are always beautiful and in-style.

            Question: What other Obama Intangibles do you think we'll see over the next 4-8 years? Do you think an Obama Presidency can really change anything by osmosis or is there more work for all of us to do?

            The Basketball Diaries : Chapter Seven.

            [Editor's Note: This blog has an ulterior motive and that motive is The AverageBro Challenge™. Watch me walk the talk firsthand as I coach a team of 6th graders this Winter in our newest series, The Basketball Diaries. If you need a refresher, backtrack and read prior chapters.]

            Sunday (Postgame)

            There comes a time in every man's life, when he has to stop dwelling in a world of starry idealism and face reality. I've come to accept the fact that I'll never play in an actual NBA game. I'll never see Michael Jackson live in concert. I'll never... ahem... "hook up" with Halle Berry. And unfortunately, the basketball team I'm coaching this year will never be good.

            These are the rules. Live with em'.

            I came to this realization today as I watched my young Panthers get walloped, 31-9, in a game that was even worse than its final score indicates. After over 20 practices and 14 games, it is finally sinking in that this particular set of kids simply can't play the game. Period. Today we hit rock bottom, or at least what I fear to be rock bottom. We can't possibly go any lower. I pray not.

            We've spent 5 weeks practicing our offense. The kids have yet to execute it properly in a game. Not a single time. Turnovers piled up. Uncontested layups set the scoreboard on fire. We couldn't hit the broadside of a barn on offense. We couldn't rebound with an eHarmony.com account.

            I found myself in Stuart Smalley mode after the game. I'm 35 years old. I understand the game. I know how to coach it. I've been successful before. Losing doesn't make me a loser. But it's becoming patently obvious that despite my best intentions, if you have kids who don't listen, aren't disciplined, have no level of talent, no pride, and don't know how to play the game despite hours of instruction, you simply aren't going to win.

            I'd be kidding you guys if I said this wasn't souring me on coaching and working with kids in the future, period. Losing takes a toll on you. You think about the sacrifices made, the weekends blown, the time spent away from your own family, and it all feels like a colossal waste of time and energy.

            Some of you are probably saying, "But AB, this isn't all about winning, it's about working with the kids!" That would be true, and on that issue, I also have to deem this experiment a failure of sorts. The kids haven't shown any greater level of preparation or professionalism. They still show up 3 mins before the game and mosey into the gym. They haven't shown any greater understanding of the game. If they did, common mistakes wouldn't be repeated so often. They haven't shown any greater respect for authority. We still spend an inordinate amount of time each practice making the kids run because they're not focused on drills and instruction. So, in the end, I'm wondering exactly what good has come of this.

            For anyone else considering working with kids in any capacity, consider this a case study. You'll seldom see the fruits of your labor immediately. Sometimes the whole thing will feel like a colossal waste of time. You'll prolly never be told thank you.

            But do it anyway.

            Season Record: 0 Wins and 6 Losses

            Next Opponent: The Rockets

            Question: Is it time to throw in the towel? Can the Panthers win either of the two remaining games or is this season a wash?

            Monday, February 23, 2009

            AB Goes To The Movies: Madea Goes To Jail.

            If you've followed this blog for any period of time, you prolly know that I'm not the biggest fan of Tyler Perry. I think his movies are a cinematic exercise in gluttony, rife with the most rank stereotypes of people of color, and riddled with scatological humor, all wrapped up in an unsavory layer of superficial spirituality. After blowing $40 on The Family That Preys, I promised to never see another of his films.

            On a loosely related note, I am married.

            So, as I'm sitting watching the previews before this movie started, I made a serious mental note to turn my brain all the way off. Just as I incessantly hate on godawful movies here at AB.com, I can seldom retain my venom while in theaters. This inevitably pisses off my wife, which just compounds the blown $40. So, I made the choice to keep my pithy comments locked deep inside, and try to really enjoy Madea Goes To Jail, for the sake of household harmony if little else.



            As you might imagine, Madea Goes To Jail finds the eponymous protagonist behind bars for some serious anger control issues. Like most movies, this one takes a somewhat unrelated plotline and clumsily weaves it around the bumbling actions of the crossdressing Perry. This sidescript involves Joshua Hardaway, a career-minded assistant DA (Derek Luke) whose picture perfect engagement to an equally ambitious attorney (Ion Overman of Showtime's The L Word) is interrupted when a past acquaintance shows up in the courtroom. A saucy hooker named Candy (The Cosby Show's Keisha Knight-Pulliam) with a nasty heroin addiction seems to know Josh from a prior life. Guilt-ridden from a past secret he and Candy share, Josh goes into fullblown Captain-Save-A-Hoe mode to help rescue her from her demons.

            Just in case you're somehow unfamiliar with the E40 classic I just name dropped, acquaint yourself. Lovely.



            Anyways, if you've seen one Tyler Perry movie, you have officially seen them all, so I don't even need to tell you how this baby will end. The oh-so-nice-and-handsome guy will get the girl he really deserves. The snobbish light-skinnded chick will get her comeuppance. Madea will get some laughs. You'll go 北京体彩网官方网站 snickering and forget the whole ordeal by Monday morning. Rinse and repeat.

            I guess I can see why folks enjoy these sorts of movies. I admittedly didn't laugh much, but it shole' did feel good to see all dem' coloreds on de' big screen.

            Even with my brain on standby, a couple of things were pretty evident. Some of ya'll have mused that Tyler Perry have some issues with women in the past. Others have noted that the only men of character in TP's films is usually TP. Many even expressed dismay that he spends so much time in a dress. All these patterns hold true, but I noted an added wrinkle in this one: all the evil characters were white. Erry one of em'. The butch jailhouse bully. The snooty K-Mart shopper. The johns who pick up and abuse Candace on the strip. Even Josh's fiancee, who's light-bright, and damn near white herself turns out to be an evil wench.

            Perhaps the man has a new issue. Postracial my a$$.

            Lets be clear about a couple of things. Tyler Perry's movies will never be considered Oscar quality, and are little more than disposable entertainment that serves as a nice 90 minute diversion from erryday life. There's not really anything wrong with that. Just cause I don't particularly care for this genre of film doesn't mean it's a bad way for someone to blow an afternoon. Reality is, he found a niche (black church-themed comedies) and has perfected a money making formula. For all its detractors, the movie made over $40M this weekend alone. Chew on that.

            Final Verdict: Hate on the man all you want, but where I come from, that's called a come-up. You don't have to like it, but you do have to respect it. Not many people could pull $41M with a no-name cast in this economy. Give the man his props, already. 2 Stars (Out Of 5)

            Question: Have you seen Madea Goes To Jail? What did you think?

            WorkPlace 101: Political Correctness On The Job.

            As you guys know, my workplace is full of accidental drama. I say accidental because there are only a handful of folks who work on my sprawling floor on a daily basis, given the nature of our client-facing work. Still, in such a large building, near a Metro stop, with lots of foot traffic outdoors and marginal security, sh*t is bound to get missing from time to time. If you've followed this feature in the past, you know this to be a regular occurrence.



            Anyways, there was an incident yesterday, and since I know this stuff is semi-confidential, I'm taking the build management's alert and cleaning it up. The last thing I need to do is get canned over some ole' BS like this.
            Notice to Tenants………..Please share with all employees !

            We had an incident yesterday in one of our properties, where a young man in a “hoodie” entered a couple of suites where the receptionist(s) had stepped away from their desk. He was seen “wandering” through the suites until noticed and gave excuses such as “looking for a job” or “I’m here for an interview – I must have the wrong suite”.

            The police were notified, but the young man was not apprehended.
            The email goes on to detail further steps all employees could make to prevent such an incident happening in the future, but omits one very crucial element: a description of the young man beyond his apparel.

            All this strikes me as an example of when political correctness goes awry. Sure, it's great to alert folks that they need to pull their suite doors behind them and take their gym bags 北京体彩网官方网站 at night, but what's otherwise the point? We are given no real physical description of the suspect, although he was clearly seen by more than one person. Beyond the likely stoopid Soulja Boy hoodie, what else do we need to know about this nimrod to ensure he doesn't show up for another "interview" and end up cleaning out my Washington Wizards bobblehead collection in the process?

            Personally, I know I've been extra Tresvanty about such stuff in the past, but it wouldn't have hurt to supply a physical description. If it's one of them "skater" white dudes like I typically see out here in the burbs, that's nice to know. If the guy was black, why not say so? Would anyone really be offended? How else are we supposed to use this info for future reference?

            [Editor's Note To Self: Quit wearing hoodies to work.]

            If my bobbleheads come up missin', I'm squeezin' first and askin' questions last!!![1]

            [Editor's Note To Self: Take the Wizards bobblehead collection 北京体彩网官方网站.]

            I understand white folks are loathe to say certain things for fear of being branded racist, but sometimes a description is essential, otherwise you're just wasting time and further confusing people.

            I know one thing, I see a Soulja Boy lookin' kid in the lobby, I'm dialing 911!

            Question: Should the building management have identified the race of the suspect? Is this an example of political correctness gone wrong, or would providing a description have likely lead to unnecessary racial profiling? Got any notable examples of workplace political correctness gone wrong?

            [1] Yeah, I know, unnecessary and unintentionally comical tough guy talk.

            Grand Hu$tle Week Is Coming March 2nd!

            Continuing the new trend of "Theme Weeks" that we started with AverageNation Week™, I'm proud to present AB.com's first foray into semi-serious investigative reporting, the aptly named Grand Hu$tle Week. Look, I even created a kewl logo to commemorate the occasion, so you know it's gonna be somethin'.



            For those of you slow on the lingo, or who haven't read this site's FAQ, a Grand Hu$tle is basically when someone tries to run game on you by either selling or telling you some ole' BS. Some would refer to this as a scam, some might call it a C-O-N-spiracy. Either way, it's AB.com's mission to put you on the game so you don't get vicked.[1]

            Ya'll know the products. You've seen the infomercials. And chances are, you've prolly thrown away hard earned money on some useless crap like The ShamWow!, The Snuggie, or the Grill Daddy. In the interest of keeping your money in your pockets where it belongs in this worsening economy, AB.com is going to extra mile to get the real skinny on whether these products actually do what they say or if they're pure garbage like I suspect.

            I've already done extensive research on the following products.
            The Snuggie
            Loud -N- Clear
            Debbie Meyer Green Bags
            Cash 4 Gold
            Patch Perfect Grass Seed
            The Slap Chop
            ShamWow!
            Extenze (yeah, really)
            I'm taking requests if you'd like me to checkout something else while I'm at it. Just hit me up. Either way, brace yourselves for a level of investigative blogging never before seen on these innanets.

            Let me show you how not to get got!

            Grand Hu$tle Week begins March 2nd.

            Question: Got any "as seen on TeeVee" products you want me to check out? Have you bought any of the aforementioned products? If so, would you be willing to provide some feedback for my series? Are you wondering how in the ham sammich I have time to do all this with a real Day Job, wife, and two kids?

            [1] And no, this has absolutely nothing to do with TI's similarly named vanity record label.

            Sunday, February 22, 2009

            Paging Juan Williams... "Grow A Pair!"

            BulletProof Yaki!

            Fun With Obama Soundbytes.


            Who has this sorta time on their hands?!?

            Okay, who am I kidding? I'll admit it, I'm just jealous.

            If I had the time, resources, and well, talent, I'd be doin' the same thing and then some.

            Saturday, February 21, 2009

            Chris vs Rihanna : Street Fighter Style.



            Don't worry, it's safe and relatively non-offensive.

            BMWK TV Interviews Poot From HBO's The Wire.

            Friday, February 20, 2009

            Chris, You Might Wanna Practice Soap-Holding...

            I'm sure you folks have already seen the photo circulating around the innanets today that is supposedly Rihanna just moments after she suffered an alleged assault at the hands of Chris Brown. If you haven't, you can just go somewhere and Google it. I made the decision to not post it here for lots of reasons I choose not to divulge. If you need to excuse yourself and go find that, knock yourself out and come back.



            The photo is a bit fuzzy, it appears to have been taken with a bad camera phone, rather than something that's official police evidence. The LAPD says it wasn't theirs, which could either be true, or a complete lie to save themselves from liability. Either way, the picture doesn't appear to be doctored, and unless Suge Knight delivered this beatdown to redeem himself, it's fair to say young Chris is in some deep trouble.

            A week or so ago when this story broke, I said Brown's career should be curtains if this turned out to be true. We've still yet to see an official police report, but Brown's own semi-admission of guilt seems to have removed all doubt re: the final result. Whether, or to what degree, he was provoked to action will likely have some bearing on just how hard the system comes down on him, but something tells me dude might wanna use his final days of freedom to refine the art of soap-holding. Cause you know some dudes in the clink are just waiting for their shot at him.

            Gimme That'!

            Whether or not this becomes a landmark moment in the fight against domestic violence and an indictment of sexism in hip hop remains to be seen. One odd thing I've heard (not that I'd know, don't listen to terrestrial radio) is that lots of radio stations have pulled CB's music from their playlists. While I certainly think that would be a wise idea once he's convicted, doing so before he's had his day in court is sorta stoopid. I mean, c'mon, how long a grace period did R. Kelly get while he awaited his day in court for his heinous crime? I'm sure TI is getting spins of that godawful Justin Timberlake song somewhere right now as you read this, and his a$$ is getting ready to go to jail for a crime he committed over a year ago. I'm just sayin'.

            Many noted that unless male recording artists came out in defense of Rihanna, the culture of violence and misogyny against black women in hip hop would continue unchecked. I disagreed, stating that black women themselves could make the biggest impact with their disgust. So far, we heard some mumbo jumbo from Jay-Z, but otherwise it's been one great big "bash the alleged victim"-fest, with morons like Jadakiss, Terrence Howard, TI, and David Banner all making statements that could be classified as mildly-insulting to say the least. Female artists? Not a friggin' peep? You'd think someone like Beyonce would make some kinda statement, for the good PR if nothing else, but nary a peep. I suppose it's possible I just missed this, so correct me if I'm wrong. But the strong statement that could have been made by the persons closest to the action are practically non-existent. I guess this sorta proves my initial point.

            Anyways, if you couldn't already tell, this was my Chrihanna catchup post, I suppose I owed you guys some opinion on the latest transpirings. What's yours?

            Question: Did you see the photo in question? What did you think? Should the stations have pulled Brown's song given the precedence set when dealing with R. Kelly? Do you think Chris Brown will have a career should he be found guilty in a court of law?

            There's A New Sucker Born Erry Minute.

            Michael Steele Needs To Update His Slang.

            Thursday, February 19, 2009

            AB.com Guest Post : I’m Offended That I’m Offended.

            already went in. Show the guest some love as usual.]

            There are times that I feel like a poor excuse for a strong black person because I’m not legitimately offended enough to get upset about some things, I’m just offended that I have to spend time being offended! Today’s controversy provides a perfect example: the Sean Delonas political cartoon published in yesterday’s New York Post.

            The creator of this cartoon is trying to make light of an incident this week in Connecticut involving an enraged pet chimpanzee that had to be killed by the police after going on a wild rampage. The instant conclusion I’d draw from this weak attempt at humor is that it’s clear that “a monkey could do the job” of creating the Stimulus Bill, maybe even the “monkey” that was shot dead this week, and now that he’s been unexpectedly snuffed out they’ll have to find someone else to do his job. The association between the chimp shooting and Washington is not clear, nor is any association between any human being and the Stimulus Bill. So this cartoon becomes a real knee-slapper for everyone from the owner of the pet monkey dealing with her loss, to animal rights advocates offended that the police shot the chimp, to the Americans depending on the Stimulus, to…black people.

            If anyone is really listening, can I make something clear once and for all? Any similarities drawn between a black person and a monkey are just - for lack of a better phrase - played out. That disgusting banana in the tailpipe of stereotypes is older than American history itself and even if it’s not done on purpose it’s something that no black person wants to see. It’s trite, tired, and a surefire way to piss us off. Col Allen, editor-in-chief of The New York Post, a paper that’s not exactly known for its thought-provoking content, is either off of his game or an intentional agitator. It’s not really worth attempting to demonstrate the latter, so I can’t help but accept the former.

            [Editor's Note: The New York Post is owned by Rupert Murdoch, who also owns you-know-which cable news station. Just thought I'd throw that out there.]

            As an experienced professional seeking to attract as wide an audience as possible, the smart thing to do is to reject any images linking black people to apes, Chinese people with Laundry, Jewish people with skin-flint ways, or Arabs with terrorism. Why not just show a lazy Mexican dude with a sombrero on, dancing around to “La Cucaracha” and drinking tequila? That ugliness is only 50% of the way towards how deeply negative black America’s relationship is with monkeys; in case you haven’t heard, people do find that offensive, in fact consistently so over the past, say, THREE HUNDRED YEARS. Confusion around this concept needs to end.