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            Wednesday, January 21, 2015

            President Obama's Desperation Heave At The Buzzer.

            Did anyone watch last night's State Of the Union address? Does anyone even still care anymore? Am I the only one who's found The Obama Presidency to be as devastatingly disappointing and underwhelming as "Yeezus"? Maybe it's just me.

            I dunno, watching the President rattle off a sh*tload of new initiatives that have about as much a chance of becoming law as me getting drafted by the Vancouver Grizzlies, I couldn't help but think about how much promise this man once held. Seeing him reduced to guaranteed applause talking points for the 6th time, it was disarmingly evident how hard it is for a black man to get things done in Washington, DC, provided that black man's name isn't John Wall, because John Wall gets things done and John Wall is awesome!



            But back to that other black guy running DC, yeah the President looks like a man defeated. It's like he's trying to convince America that he's still got it, when he knows he can't deliver 99% of the stuff he's promising. He's like a man making one last desperate plea to stop his wife from signing divorce papers.[1]
            I'll go to counseling! (Free community college!)

            Yes, by all means, let your mother move in with us! (Let's pass comprehensive immigration reform!)

            I'll stay off Instagram and quit messin' with thots! (We'll reform the criminal justice system!)
            I think in some odd way, watching the partisan sniping and gridlock of the past 8 years is probably going to sour an entire generation of millenials on the electoral process. Those poor young people thought electing Obama would fix world hunger, guarantee them 6 figure jobs post-graduation, and erase racism simply via the ballot box. Little did they (or hell, even I) realize the level of douchbaggery, racial bullshit, and outright assholery that the GOP had in store. I'm betting large swaths of those early twentysomethings are so disillusioned they'll just sit out the next few election cycles.

            Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if that was the GOP's goal all along. #GrandHu$tle

            Question: What's The Lame Duck Obama Administration gonna look like over the next 24 months? Any chance anything he said last night gets passed?

            [1] Not that I'd know. I got 13 years in the game.

            Friday, January 16, 2015

            Why Can't Black Barbers Just Cut Your Hair The Way You Ask Them To?

            [Editor's Note: Yes, this is an old post. I'm rerunning it because this just happened to me (again) this morning and I'm super pissed. My hairline is crooked and it got pushed back to 1994. Just read it already, while I try and figure out how to "fix" this.]

            Something finally occurred to me the other day as I got out of the barber's chair. I hate strongly dislike barbers.

            I have only had roughly 4-5 people who cut my hair on a consistent basis in my short lifetime, and I eventually had a falling out with each and every one of them for the exact same reason: because they cut your hair the way they want it to look, not the way you ask for it.

            I have what is probably a moderately difficult head of hair to cut. I have what some older Black folks might refer to as "good" hair, which has always been the dumbest of statements to me. Isn't all hair good hair? Ask a balding dude if he'd rather have a "good" George Jefferson, or an "average" head of full hair. So enough of that nonsense.

            Anyways, since I do have "good hair", this also means it's hard for most novices to cut the right way because it grows in very odd directions, as well as in odd lengths (ie: shorter at the top, longer near the temples). Also, over the past couple of years, I've noticed some light thinning around my hairline, which only adds to the complexity.

            I usually stick with a barber who seems to figure out how to cut my hair correctly initially, but over time they all seem to revert to doing it "their way", regardless of what I ask for. So when I go in looking like a Wolfman and ask for "a little off the top and please don't push back my hairline!", then walk out looking like Kirk Franklin, you know something is wrong. These dudes are clearly just cutting it the way they want for the instant gratification and the praise of the other barbers when I step out the chair. They don't have to live with a pushed back hairline and a too-close for cold weather cut for the next couple of weeks. I do. And that kinda sucks.

            [Editor's Note: None of these haircuts look "bad", "gapped up" or even remotely "jacked up" by any stretch of the imagination. But none of them happen to be what I ask for, so it doesn't really matter.]

            Since I left my most recent barber a year or so ago[1] I've tried probably a half-dozen other barbers in search of someone who would just do what I asked them to. There was a girl who was cutting my hair for awhile that did a good job, but didn't do a great shape up, although she didn't push my sh*t back as I requested. There was a dude who cut pretty well, but then stopped showing up at the shop and answering text messages. Apparently he's taking a state-paid vacation in Jessup right now. And then, there's my current shop (and I use the word "current" loosely), owned by the Koreans. They, like everyone else, don't cut my hair the way I ask for, but the end result is usually not too bad looking, there's seldom a long wait (wonder why?), and the whole thing only costs $13, which in this economy is a steal.

            But again, why can't people just cut hair the way they're asked to?[2]

            To end on a positive note, I now present to you the greatest barbershop scene evar. Cop the headphones first.



            Question: Fellas, do you have a similar experience with barbers who cut your hair the way they want it to look, not how you ask? Ladies, I guess I could pose the same question to you, although it's a given that women's hair is a different animal in and of itself.

            [1] Yeah, that dude with the and the $22 cuts. I'll give him credit though, that soundtrack is still pretty tight. Listen to it. I guess that's why the cuts are so expensive. Somebody's gotta pay for all that flash animation and studio time.

            [2] And before you ask, no, I'm not about to start cutting my own hair. I don't have that sorta talent.

            Wednesday, January 14, 2015

            Mike Huckabee Thinks The Obamas Are Awful Parents, Beyonce Is A Whore, And Jay-Z's A Crack Dealing Pimp.

            You remember Mike Huckabee right? The bible thumping ex-Arkansas Governor who very briefly lead the GOP Presidential field for awhile, before ceding the lead to John McCain, who gave it to Obama. Yeah, that Mike Huckabee.

            If you still don't remember him, or have him mixed up with Santorum (ick) I don't blame you. The Huckster (see what I did there) used the momentum from those 15 minutes to secure himself a weekend show on Fox News. I watched it once, because I was bored, and it looked like a public access television show with slightly better lighting. Huck's used his twice weekly pulpit to, all of which has raised his profile with Conservatives for a likely run at President in 2016. Either that, or because he has a book to sell. And because he's got a book to sell, he's.
            Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee thinks Barack and Michelle Obama have a troubling flaw in their parenting style: They allow their daughters listen to Beyoncé.

            In a recent interview with People to promote his book God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, the former Baptist minister and possible 2016 presidential hopeful calls the Obamas "excellent and exemplary parents in many ways" but says he’s baffled that 16-year-old Malia and 13-year-old Sasha are allowed to absorb content like the singer’s anthemic single "Drunk in Love."

            "I don't understand how, on one hand, they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything – how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school and making sure they're kind of sheltered and shielded from so many things – and yet they don't see anything that might not be suitable for either a preteen or a teen in some of the lyrical content and choreography of Beyoncé, who has sort of a regular key to the door [of the White House]," he said.

            In God, Guns, Grits and Gravy, Huckabee labels Beyoncé's lyrics as "obnoxious and toxic mental poison," and he lashes out at her husband, Jay Z – calling the rapper a "pimp" who "exploits his wife."

            Michelle Obama's office reportedly declined to comment on Huckabee's statements.

            The Obamas have been close with Beyoncé throughout Barack's presidency. The commander-in-chief thanked the singer and Jay Z for their friendship during a 2012 New York fundraiser, adding that "Beyoncé could not be a better role model for my girls."
            Ladies and gentlemen, this is today's GOP. And just maybe, tomorrow's POTUS.



            Oddly, while Huck has some odd fetish fascination with Beyonce, he has no issue whatsoever inviting such wholesome artists as Ted Nugent on his show to "rock out". Because nothing says wholesome like a guy who's been married more times than Kim Kardashian and publicly tells a government official so suck on his shotgun.

            Stay classy, Mike Huckabee. Better yet, stay your fat ass on basic cable.

            Question: Does this asshole have some nerve or what?

            2 Chainz Is Now A Cable News Pundit.

            CNN/HLN should just get it over with and air Ron Popeil informercials 24 hours a day. I mean, seriously, what production assistant thought this was a good idea? I'm happy to see 2 Chainz trying to reinvent himself again since his 15 minutes have long since expired, but everyone involved in this spectacle takes a serious "L".



            This was supposed to be a debate about decriminalization of marijuana. I don't know exactly what to call what it turned into. Actually, on second thought I do: The Nancy Grace Show.

            Question: Who won this debate?

            Monday, January 12, 2015

            AB.com Monday Open Mic

            So yeah, the blog's back up and rolling. Sure, I missed a few big stories last week, but whatever, we're getting there.

            Here's you open mic for the day. Use it to talk sh*t about your favorite NBA team that destroyed my favorite NBA team yesterday, Charlie Hebdo, Bill Cosby, the NFL playoffs (sorry Cowboys fans), The Golden Globes, whatever. I'm also taking requests, so drop links or email any story you want my take on.

            Question: What's on your mind today?!?

            Wednesday, January 7, 2015

            #BlackBrunchNYC, Racist Fox News Hosts, And Drive-By Activism.

            It might come as somewhat of a shock to those of you who've followed this site for a long time, but I no longer watch cable news. What was once an (admitted) obsession of mine is dead. I'm not sure what caused me to stop, or when exactly it happened, but it was likely during the George Zimmerman trial when I finally realized that most of cable news is pure manufactured BS. The goal isn't to inform, it's to enrage enough to not change the channel. The hosts aren't experts, nor are they journalists, nor are they even necessarily bright. They're just people who look reasonably good in front of a camera and can read off a teleprompter without stuttering.

            .
            Fox Business News host Charles Payne was among those who denounced "#blackbrunch" protesters on Sunday who interrupted white restaurant customers to raise awareness about police brutality.

            "Goodness this isn't what Montgomery Bus Boycott or Woolworth sit-ins were about -this is ignorance #blackbrunchnyc," he wrote in a tweet that was retweeted over 600 times.

            Goodness this isn't what Montgomery Bus Boycott or Woolworth sit-ins were about -this is ignorance #blackbrunchnyc pic.twitter.com/ewRbXOi1Sx
            — Charles V Payne (@cvpayne) January 4, 2015

            But the photo Payne shared with his tweet wasn't an image from Sunday's protests at all. Instead, it was a racist meme that's been widely shared on white supremacist websites and other corners of the Internet as far back as 2010.

            The original photo, which was published by the Detroit News, shows a crowd rushing through a door to pick up federal housing assistance forms. At some point, a KFC logo was photoshopped onto the glass doors and the caption "Photograph from the opening of a new KFC in Detroit, 2009" was added to the image.

            Payne's vague responses didn't make clear why he thought the KFC meme was relevant to the discussion. When one Twitter user asked him "So with it being a fried chicken place this has to be parody, right?" Payne replied "Oh god I wish…man do I wish it was."

            Payne did not immediately respond to a request for comment from TPM. But he did tweet that he'd address the incorrect photo Monday on his Fox Business Network show, "Making Money." Curiously, after acknowledging that the KFC image was incorrect, he continued to insist that it depicted a real event and was not photoshopped.
            To be perfectly honest, I thought #BlackBrunchNYC was a pretty silly idea myself. Agitating people who merely wanted to enjoy some mimosas and overpriced French Toast isn't "Fighting The Power", unless the "Power" is high blood sugar. It was in an odd way, a form of bullying: encroaching on the time and space of people who have nothing to do with #BlackLivesMatter and ruining their overpriced breakfast/lunch experience in the process.

            I woulda been more impressed if these folks took a busride down to... say... Bucks County Pennsylvania and interrupted breakfast at a few diners there. Not that woulda taken some balls and made a statement. Interrupting bleeding heart liberals in Manhattan who were likely already down for your cause? Well, that's sorta weak.


            But I digress. Payne coulda easily made a similar point without adding in a stereotypical photo. But you gotta remember who this guy is, and who he works for. You should never trust a black man under the age of 50 that doesn't have a shape-up. Payne is proof of that. He's also proof that self-loathing black conservatives will always have a job, no matter that they say, simply because they're effective proxies/racial force fields for those who employ them.



            If Charles Payne were alive during the Civil Rights Movement, he would accused Rosa Parks of "reverse racism" for not wanting to sit with white riders.

            Question: What did you think of #BlackBrunchNYC? Should Fox News fire Charles Payne for this Negro Nonsense, or promote him?

            Some Idiot Tried To Bomb An NAACP Field Office. Failed.

            .
            An improvised explosive device was detonated against the exterior wall of a building housing the Colorado Springs chapter of the NAACP on Tuesday, officials said.

            The explosion knocked items off the office walls but no one was injured.

            Agents from the FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives went to the scene after the blast to gather evidence and place markers.

            The FBI said that a gasoline can was placed next to the device but the contents did not ignite.

            According to the the FBI, officials are seeking a "potential person of interest," described as a balding white male, about 40 years old.

            "He may be driving a 2000 or older model dirty, white pick-up truck with paneling, a dark colored bed liner, open tailgate, and a missing or covered license plate," the FBI said in a statement said.

            The explosion was heard near the building on the 600 block of South El Paso Street on the southern end of the city just before 11 a.m. Those nearby reported hearing a "loud boom."
            I'm guessing this story didn't get much pub because the perpetrator was so incompetent that he couldn't even set off the device properly and nobody actually died.

            Still, a person rigged an IED to an office building in broad daylight! In America! Yesterday!

            Let me repeat...

            A person rigged an IED to an office building in broad daylight! In America! Yesterday!

            This is domestic terrorism at its most blatant form. I'm hoping they catch this idiot terrorist before he suddenly grows brain cells and successfully pulls off a terrorist act.

            Question: Did you even hear about this story? Why do you think it's not getting more traction? Is the media "all raced out" after #BlackLivesMatter?!?